how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
