Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize