so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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