I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
