You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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