My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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