some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
