If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's always time for handjobs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
