Swine flu is the new snow day.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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