I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Two words: blizzard sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize