the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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