no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
