I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
