and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This baby is an asshole
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
