You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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