We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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