Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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