Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize