So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
