Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize