I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
