:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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