Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
