thus making me awesome and them whores
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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