Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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