i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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