He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
