if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
