Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
