This girl is more easily done than said...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
