thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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