Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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