Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
