Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
