We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize