I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
