I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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