We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
