u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
