There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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