First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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