Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
