I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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