um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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