Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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