So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize