Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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