There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
