So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize