dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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