...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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