mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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