I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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