Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you had me at cake vodka
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
