I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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