I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
