escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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