and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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