I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pooping to opera.
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