Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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