I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
