Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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