Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
