I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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