Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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