How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
