Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
