So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
