were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
