I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
