I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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