My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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