Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
