nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
