I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
